Mj Stop existing and start livin..
Believe it or not, I’ve been going to the gym pretty regularly because my brother just had his bachelor party in Los Cabos, Mexico. Now I couldn’t do much about being the whitest mamajamma on the sand BUT… I could be held responsible for the sacs of love hanging above my gluteus trying not to be the MAXimus. I’ll save the details of that trip for another day…. However, if you want to laugh, go the Planet Fitness on Dyckman st. in Inwood, NYC. I’ve never seen so many shamockeries all amassed in one habitation.
I’d like to introduce you to Signora Maria Dolores Martinez Ruiz. She resides in the vicinity of the free- weights, mostly, and will be flossing to the max. You might be so lucky as see her wearing her stilettos, pants made of 5% polyester and 95% spandex(to make sure you don’t miss any of the details), and a very nice sequined front-half of a shirt… Signora Rojas is a fierce two handed texter, and can somehow spear a Dorito chip from the bag with her stiletto, while maintaining 75 wpm on her dissertation to her friend Angelina concerning: her hombre cheating on her with some “white trick.” However, she doesn’t always remain stationary; on the seldom occasion, she will make a trip to the drinking fountain in a zigzag fashion, while crop dusting pheromones that manage to distract just about every dude in the gym.
But Maria is not all that you will see at Planet Fitness. Between 6 and 9p.m., 7 days a week there resides a man known as Raphael, usually wrapped deep in an extravagant soliloquy of his own awesomeness, as he gazes aghast upon the snake tattoo athwart his arm and chest. Raphael wears a trash bag shirt (to sweat out water weight –of course) that wraps snug around his Pabst Blue Ribbon inspired stomach. He wears gloves to prevent his feminine hands from acquiring any calices, and always applies lotion while talking to the ladies at the front desk. I must warn you… beware of this man, for it appeeeeaars that his charisma is overwhelming to women, but may be possessed! Sounds of Beelzebub bounce of the walls as he throws the dumbbells across the gym after completing his elevety- billionth rep of bench press. Also, Raphael has been known to be a bit of a nose picker… You’ve never seen desire like this until you’ve witnessed this deep romance, during a staring contest with himself in the mirror, as he caresses the deep hindquarters of his inner nostril. Oh, and if you don’t speak Spanish your conversation will stop right after… “How are you? Very good.”
Last Sunday, I was waiting on a cross-town bus on my way home from church and I noticed a girl hurting on the street corner. She wasn’t asking for attention, but I could tell that something was seriously wrong. Tears were on the verge of streaming down her face and I could see the emotion beginning to overwhelm her. I thought seriously about walking up to her, giving her and hug, and telling her it was going to be ok… Knowing New Yorkers she probably would have wounded me with her hand bad, sprayed me with mace, and kicked me in the shin while I was down. Truth is... this place only works for the strong willed. If you hate the word “no”, dislike big crowds, and are uncomfortable with uncertainty… GET THE HECK OUTTA NYC. However, this place sure has a way of breaking you down and then making you stronger. Make no mistake… If you mess up and leave 10 minutes late, you can expect to drop $15-20 for a cab ride. Don’t think that your boss won’t fire your butt after one mistake. You will be harassed by bums, hit on by weirdo’s, and see things that no spectator should ever witness on the subway. But if you got a fire in you that makes you want to be the greatest person that you can be, regardless of the challenges you may face… then come to NYC.
Several weeks ago I made a wonderful decision to spend 10 days in remote KS with my oldest brother. I had missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, and every other form of family oriented event since I moved to NYC in September. It was…. Divine! Kayla, my sister in law, cooked me amazing food, a friend named Mona cooked me authentic West African food, and my only real responsibility was to give a couple of my favorite kid’s voice lessons.
We went out on the farm to shoot guns of all sizes. High powered rifles, tiny buddies, 9mm’s, and one extraordinary high powered pistol named “the Judge.” It shoots pellets like a shot gun and it was SCARY to think of the damage this could do to a person. My new friend, Tim Garrett, fired the first round on the Judge. A pellet rickaishayed and hit him in the leg. Tim said, “Oh man, I should probably back up with I shoot this one.” I was like… Oh man?!?! Damn, you didn’t tell me it was like THAT! I woulda been hidin’ my butt behind the truck if you woulda told me how that gun gets down.
I guess there’s not much for a fella to do in remote Kansas other than eat, shoot stuff, and blow things up. Conveniently, this guy Chris had a cannon that he built himself. HAhahahaha! A freaking CANNON!!! So we got the bright idea to put a bowling ball in it and see what happens…
This thing flew over 400 yards. Fortunately for us, there was a “sweet little old lady on a motorized cart” that would drive us to find the ball. BANANAS…
Last but not least…
I took a job with the Air Force Singing Sergeants. This is a four year commitment to serve my country singing for events with the President, highly honored Generals, and events that you can’t even pay to get into. This group has performed for every President in the past 60 years and travels the country as the “face of the Air Force.” I couldn’t be more proud to be an American. I’ll take pride in being an ambassador for my country in the best way that I know how; not by shooting somebody, flying a stealth bomber, or being a navy seal… but by using my voice. So, now it’s time to enjoy my last few days as an adolescent. I’m going home to Missouri next week. I’ll unashamedly let my Mom cook me meals, stay up watching movies ‘till 4 in the morning, finish every episode of office there ever was, and cause nothing but trouble with my best friend Craig. This means I won’t be a wondering vagabond anymore. I’ll have full benefits, a nice salary, and a place to call my own for the first time in my life… and it feels good. Maybe I’ll have time to even get to know a girl... since I’ll be in the same place for more than 6 weeks.
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- Chase the dream… not the competition.
Post something below about your favorite person you see at the gym…
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