A sad day in Harlem...

Ladies n' Gentlemen, I give you William Hearn...

It was my unique pleasure to live with this southern gentleman for 1
full month in NYC.  We had some great laughs, talked about singing for
hours, BOTH got sick, and lived in a real sketch part of Manhattan...
Harlem.  For two months I live I lived in Inwood.  This is an area in
the northern Manhattan about 40 blocks above the upper west side.
That neighborhood was like a walk in the park compared to Harlem...
literally.

Will and I shared a master bedroom at 142nd and Lenox.  It was always
an adventure arriving back to the apt. because I was excited about what I might
see.

One day I came home to see this...

Somehow the ironing board was standing on its side.  At that point, my
brain cycled through the possibilities of what could have possessed
Will to do this.  I came up with no good reason.  Later I asked him about it... He replied, "It seemed like the best option at the time.

Another occasion I walk in to see...

I was like, "Will... what the heck are you doing?"  He said, "I don't
wanna get my pants wrinkled before my audition."  He was pulling a
Seinfeld, where you put your pants on last. I thought it was an
interesting idea when I saw the conductor do it on the show... but
didn't think that people actually did it that way.

Will and I went to the oldest bar in NYC... McSorely's

This bar only has two types of beer... light and dark.  Each of which they brew right there in the bar!
There were these dusty old wish bones hanging on strings above the
bar.  It was a bit disgusting, so I asked Will what the heck they were
about.  He told me that soldiers would eat their final meal before
going to war and hang their wishbone on a string hanging from the ceiling. If they
survived the war, they'd come back and retrieve it.  So the wishbones
were from the civil war and they still remain.  WOW!


Thanksgiving day parade!  Will was the only person I knew that was
willing to face the crowds and actually go to the Macey's Thanksgiving Parade. 

We saw snoopy, Kermit, Deil Diamond, a famous men's a cappella group(I had no idea who
they were), and of course Santa!  We got as close to the performances in front of Macey's
that we could without having a pass.

If offensive language doesn't sit well with you... you shouldn't read
this last part.  A large majority of living in New York is not fun to talk about for me.  The reason for starting this blog was talk about life as a performer in NYC.  Many moments like the one I'm about to tell you about... are really sad.  However, this blog will not just describe about how WONDERFUL life is in the big city.  But rather, the reality of living in NYC as an artist... in all of its glory and sacrifice. The following is a true story that happened to me on Dec. 9th.

On my commute to the upper west side to sing for Houston Grand and
Sarasota Opera, I ran into some trouble on the Subway.  The subway car
was filled with people.  There was African American man that was talking to himself
sitting next to me.  Usually, I think nothing of it.  He began to
heckle a girl sitting across from me saying, "What you lookin' at
bitch?" She immediately looked down trying to avoid confrontation. But then
he stood up and got in her face. She quickly moved to the other side
of the subway car.  I pretended to not pay attention because attention
is usually what they want.  This guy was way more confrontational than I was used to with other transients.  Usually, if you don't bother them they won't bother you...

Even though I tried my best not to let him know I was giving even a second of my attention to him... he knew he was aggravating me.  So he leaned down right in my face and Said, "You ugly white boy... What the fuck you doin' in our neighborhood.  If I had my strength I would just kill you.  Das right, you white nigga!!  Or maybe, I should just get my gun and shoot your fuckin' ass."  At this point my heart was racing. I sat absolutely motionless hoping he thought that everything he said had zero of my concern.  I thought, "Oh God... am I about to have a death match with a bum?"

My heart ached inside.  I could see the pain in this guys heart.  I'd never met anybody so filled with rage and hate.  Simultaneously, I sat with adrenaline pumping through my body but at the same time my heart ached for this guy.  How wronged and forgotten by society does one have to be to be filled with such absolute hate for another person?  A person that he doesn't even know.  I wanted so badly to stand up and pray with him,  ask God to lift the pain from his heart that he expresses in hate towards others.  I wanted to hug him in front of a train full of emotionally cold New Yorkers and show them that you can live with compassion for all people... but I was afraid.  Afraid of what?  I don't know being stabbed, beat up, shot?  Instead, I sat with a stone cold look on my face saying... I don't care about you.  Not anything you say or anything you do.  In my own way I fought hatred with hatred that day.  I got off the train 30 minutes before my audition for Houston Grand Opera and wept.  I called my brother, then my Mom.  No answer.... it was at that moment I realized how alone I am in this city.  I'm surrounded by hundreds of people that I knew from a different life... childhood, college, people from my hometown.  In that moment, I knew that I couldn't rely on any of them.  That was the most alone I had ever felt. 

Often, I find myself wondering if this stretch spent in NYC will be something I'll look back on and say... Wow, I'm sure glad I did that.  Or will it be, that was the biggest mistake of my life.

Time will tell...


The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
-Psalm 23

Like Whoa...

So I got my haircut the other day in my neighborhood(Inwood).  Nobody speaks English!  So you've got this goofy white dude trying to explain a haircut with a poster of 20 Hispanic haircuts including rat tails, mullets, and lighting bolts.  Try and make that work!  At one point I had five Dominican ladies all gathered around me trying to translate.  They tried to take the clippers to my forehead and "line me up"  I was like... No, no, no Signora, por favor.  It was either this or go downtown to some swanky place that will hook me up just right but I'll end up dropping $60.  There has got to be places that are somewhere in between but I just don't have the time to go wondering around trying to find them.

This town has begun to take its tole on me! I went out for a drink with my friend DeAndre and he was like Dang homey... eat a steak or something.  You lookin' skinny."  I took a look at myself and was dangit... I am.  Stepped on the scale and sure enough I had lost 10lbs of muscle mass.  My friend Melissa used to make fun of me around finals every semester because I would get so caught up in school that I would not have enough time to work out and lose a bunch of weight. The thing was... I could always go home for break and do nothing but sing, workout, and EAT!  My Mom would cook me enough food for a week and I would end of eating it in two days. Then do it all over again.

NYC for me is like finals week all the time.  I spend so much time on the subway getting around it ends of taking two hours out of my day.  But the 'skinny thing' is just not going to work for me! So I've been eating protein bars while walking around the city, eating eggs every day for breakfast, and protein shakes after workouts trying to get back on track.

I've now been here two months as of today.  Now I'm sprinting around the city with my "NYC game face" on.  It was so strange to me how people had this look on their face that says "Don't talk to me"  Now it makes sense.  At every corner there is a bum trying to guilt you for change, some crazy lady trying to hand you a flyer to rent you a bicycle, and if you're not careful you'll step in a puddle of heeby jeeby water or get hit by a bus.

As challenging as this place has been it still gives me the fire!  I have improved as an artist more in these past two months than my entire two years at a conservatory.  After my audition for Glimmerglass Opera they said... "We'd like to hire you."  I said, "Huh....?" Hahaha... I guess all this work with my teacher and coach these past few months is actually paying off.  Glimmerglass Opera is a solid company for young artists.  It's not the Metropolitan but they bring in many singers that perform in the best houses in the world.  Many agents and producers come there every year to listen for young talent.  It could be a great thing for my career.  Next week they finish their auditions so there is nothing written in stone but they'll call me next week to talk details.

For the past couple weeks I've had this poem I read cycling through my brain by Rudyard Kipling...

If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
Can you trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
yet don't look to good, no talk to wise.

Can you dream?  Yet not let dreams be your master?
Think, yet not make thoughts your aim?
If you can meet with triumph and disaster,
and treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can talk with crowds and still keep you virtue,
Or walk with Kings and not lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much...

If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours if the earth and everything that's in it,
And what's more... You'll be a man, my son.

I felt like this British poet was speaking straight to me and it hit hard.  Isn't it crazy that he calls triumph an impostor?  Then I realized, that is exactly what it is.  Success can bring pride, confidence, and make you feel comfortable.  But every day I ask God to keep me humble, hungry, and make me wiser. No matter the cost.

Well that's enough serious talk for now.

Honey Badger- over and out.

"Always and never are two words you should a always remember never to use."

You've had this pair of gloves this whole time...?

Wanna weird out a New Yorker?  Walk by one on the street and give em a big Mid-Western smile and "Hi, how ya doin?"  They look at you like you just slapped them over the head with a big bag of weird and stare at you for a few seconds like you just ate a booger.  I love this town!!!

So I was on the subway heading downtown one day and all of the sudden 6 kids jump on the train like they're gonna steal everybody's money... but instead they start doing break dancing to an 80's boombox.  This 8 year old kid was doing the dopest break dancer moves ever!  Only in New York can you see a Mariachi band and a break dance troop all for the cost of 1 subway ride($2.50). I was rushing to meet a friend for a drink and I had to show up a half hour late because I had to see this black dude do a flip or 10 kids standing side by side.... on concrete  WHOA!

Starting to get cold in the city!  Whoo hoo.. not even Halloween yet and I'm already excited about Christmas!!  Speaking of which... I need to get organized and come up with some sweetness for my costume.

So... I have this amazing future sister-in-law that has this incredibly talented amazing family that I got to spend the weekend with cause they live near NYC.  Her sister lives in Manhattan and is a VP for the fashion designer J. Mendel.  I walked by Lincoln center and saw that it was Mercedes fashion week.  Then I was like HOLD UP WAAAAIIIIIIT snoop dogg style and said I wonder if I can get in because of my future sister-in-laws sister.   Dude.... she took me to an exclusive party at the Gramercy Hotel with nothing but beautiful models, open bar, and gay men!  BAH AH AHAAAA.  It was incredible!  I got a picture with Monsieur. J. Mendel  himself.

On a nerdy note-  I saw opening night at the MET with Anna Netrebko and Steven Costello in the production of Anna Bolena.  The singing was hit or miss.  There were some really world class moments though.  The production was great.  The ending was super epic.. but I'm not gonna ruin it for anybody who might still wanna see it.

Tomorrow, I'll be competing in a voice competition called Opera Index.  This one's cool because you have to be recommended by opera professionals and they pick based on your resume AND they give lots of money.  I'll be competing against singers that are much older and have a lot more time in the business than I do, but I'm thrilled to compete at this next level.  It's the reason why I moved to NYC instead of taking a job in Arizona for a year.  

Tomorrow night, my friend is taking me to my first show on Broadway.  She won't tell me what it is but I'm super excited.

Next time you're in an elevator, walk in and stand the opposite way as everyone else with your nose touching the back wall.... dare you.  

Excuse me Flo....

My first days in NYC

So... I picked the 10th anniversary of September 11th to be my first day living in NYC.  Great idea Dan!  In the past, flying has NEVER made me nervous.  Honestly though, I was trippin'.  BELIEVE that I was looking around for any yahoo's trying to cause trouble on my flight from Chicago into the city.  It would have been a jump over the seat with a Missouri Monkey punch like POW!  Despite my hope that a terrorist would even TRY and act out on my plane... nothing exciting happened.

My first day in Manhattan was BANANAS!  I explored all over Manhattan to see what kind of trouble I could get into.  Wall St. has always been on my bucket list so there I went to see what all the commotion was about.  The streets were flooded with people speaking dozens of different languages.  Most people were either a part of a tour group or stock brokers chain smoking cigs looking stressed out...

Next was time square... between all the lights, the dressed up crazies, smell of pizza and grease, I knew I could call this place home.  Then for something completely different... I went to Columbus circle and went into some really nice shops, ate a peach overlooking the park, eavesdropped on some people with crazy NY/long island accents, then moseyed along my merry way.

I went to a memorial service for those who had passed on 9/11/01 at the trinity Episcopal church downtown.  The choir was excellent and the orchestra was decent.  The horns were playing on period instruments with no valves so everything was out of tune.  That's hard to do, understandably so, but I just can't enjoy "fracking" all over the place.

Ok, so I met a girl.  Actually, I wasn't even into the city yet.  We met in Chicago before boarding.  She had the long beautiful hair, fashion forward, the whole bit.  She looked like a "Southern Bell" and I was right, she's from FL. There were these psycho babies screaming and running all over the place.  She was obviously looking at the munchkins thinking... Oh... my... God.  So I smiled and said, I wish I had 3 just like em.  And that was the beginning.  She told me to save her a seat cause we were on a Southwest flight.  The flight flew by so quickly.  We talked the whole time.  Our first date is Wednesday... I'll let you know how it goes.


Girls are like phones.  They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected....


Peace OUT foolz!  Uhhhgg... did I hear a 9er in there?

My journey

For the past year, my suitcase and honda civic have been what I call home.  Since June of 2010, I have lived or visited the following places for my work:  Central City, CO, Louisville, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Naples, FL, and San Diego, Santa Barbara, CA, San Marcos, TX, and Springfield, MO.  So many of my family and friends think my career path is crazy.  They all make jokes about how I'll call them on a random Tuesday and say, "Hey, driving through St. Louis... wanna grab dinner?"  Then just as quick as I came, it's time to leave.

Why did God give me this passion to pursue classical music?  Opera of all things!!!  If you told me this would by my career when I grew up I'd have said, "You're a wackadoo!"   Often I think, If God gave me a different gift about which to be passionate, I'd run towards it as fast as this gangly body would take me.  However, a different passion is not my situation.  My dream is to make music at the highest level with the greatest musicians across the world.

My next challenge may be the most difficult of anything I've encountered yet, moving to NYC.  On September the 10th, 2011, my home for at least a year, will be New York, NY.  A place where dreams are made or broken.  The number of obstacles I'll face will always be uncertain.  However, I know one thing that is for certain: I will charge them head on, with courage, commitment, and passion.

Wish me luck!

"Am I afraid of high notes?  Sure I am, What sane man isn't?"  - Luciano Pavarotti